Bi-kini*: Life Goes Both Ways.

*Bi-kini (or poly-kini, pan-kini, da-kini, whatever’s preferred) 

Today I was wide open emotionally. I felt sensitive in that horny sort of way that makes wind feel like seduction. Makes you say, “Damn, Wind. You’re bein’ fresh!” and makes me wear skirts more. A little more sensitive, too, to some things that can’t be named, so that I stop mid-stride, mid-skirt, mid-sidewalk, and feel tears come up that blur the eyes. And I know no wind did it. And I wonder what did. And know that I am not pre-menstrual. And toss it up and start to walk. I am on my way to get a bikini wax.

I lie down and realize, at first touch of a cold finger, “Uh oh. I am going to feel this.” All is let in. My state of randiness is a wide openness to pleasure, and with that comes a wide openness to pain, without defense.

When we open we open to both.  

Every single thing has a light side and a shadow side. And so I breathe, and so I center, and stay open to it all. We must cultivate the tools for dealing with what comes, for life lends the full spectrum. To how much of life’s rainbow is my aperture open? Do we let the lengthy spoon of depression enter us deep down, stirring room for What’s Next? No telling her name. You may just like her best. • The pain that is bikini waxing and pleasure of love-making (even to the wind) go hand in hand.* Constantly in life, the pain is just that- making room for the pleasure that is to come. And even provides that we are more sensitive in receiving it.

While the wind on the way was exhilarating, on my way home it is raw, bright- ecstatically so. 


*In a completely anti-feminist, insidious, consciously or unconsicously domesticated sort of way. We have to T A L K about this! However, from the Diva’s point of view, the binding of waxing and love-making is absolute.

( Photograph: Sylvia Cook Photography )